Keeping Your Marriage in Startup Mode
In the world of entrepreneurship, defining a startup often involves the thrilling yet daunting task of creating something unprecedented under conditions of significant uncertainty. This journey isn’t just about rigorously following a predetermined business plan but about learning, adapting, and iterating based on real-world feedback. Eric Ries, in his groundbreaking approach to startup methodology, emphasizes the importance of building a Minimum Viable Product (MVP), engaging real customers, and swiftly iterating based on their feedback to mitigate risks and circumvent the development of undesired products.
So, what does this have to do with intimacy in marriage?
As a seasoned business adviser and entrepreneur, I’ve dedicated over two decades to guiding small businesses from the precarious startup phase to robust growth. The journey is filled with learning curves, uncertainty, and the exhilaration of breakthroughs—from the strategic hiring decisions to the development of an MVP. This phase is characterized by a willingness to experiment and leverage every skill at our disposal to ensure the venture’s survival. Yet, once we transition into growth, the intensity of these challenges diminishes. However, the essence of the startup phase—its vibrancy, flexibility, and transformative potential—harbors invaluable lessons for invigorating and sustaining marital intimacy.
Here are five reasons why your marriage should perpetually embody the startup phase:
- Willingness to Try Something New: In the dynamic world of startups, innovation is not just an advantage; it’s a necessity for survival. A study by Vijay Govindarajan and Chris Trimble in “The Other Side of Innovation: Solving the Execution Challenge” (2010) emphasizes the importance of constantly exploring new territories to stay ahead in business. Similarly, in marriage, embracing new experiences together is crucial. Psychologists have found that couples who engage in novel activities report higher levels of relationship satisfaction (Aron, A., Norman, C. C., Aron, E. N., McKenna, C., & Heyman, R. E., 2000). Trying a new hobby or visiting a new destination can revitalize the relationship, injecting excitement and deepening the connection.
- Willingness to Grow: The concept of a growth mindset, popularized by Carol Dweck in her book “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success” (2006), has profound implications beyond personal achievement—it’s essential for nurturing thriving relationships. Dweck’s research indicates that individuals who embrace challenges and view setbacks as opportunities for growth tend to have more resilient and fulfilling relationships. Applying this principle, couples should view marriage as a journey of mutual growth, where feedback and setbacks are opportunities to strengthen their bond.
- Excitement of Success: In startup culture, celebrating every victory, no matter the size, fosters a culture of appreciation and momentum. Tom Peters, in “In Search of Excellence” (1982), highlights the significance of recognizing small wins to motivate teams. This principle is equally vital in marriage. Celebrating milestones, personal achievements, or simply acknowledging the effort your partner puts into the relationship can reinforce your bond. It’s about cherishing the journey together and recognizing each other’s contributions, as these moments of acknowledgment are integral to sustaining a supportive and loving partnership.
- Failure Will Not Stop You:Startups view failure as a critical learning step towards success. This resilience is echoed in the work of Angela Duckworth, who in “Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance” (2016), discusses how perseverance in the face of setbacks is key to achieving long-term goals. In marriage, adopting a similar resilience means viewing challenges not as roadblocks but as opportunities to learn and grow together. It’s about fostering an environment where both partners feel safe to take risks, knowing that setbacks will not define their relationship but rather enhance their collective strength and understanding.
- Seeking Progress Over Perfection: Eric Ries’s “The Lean Startup” (2011) introduces the concept of the Minimum Viable Product (MVP) as a strategy to test ideas and iterate based on feedback, emphasizing progress over perfection. This approach is invaluable in marriage as well. Focusing on continuous improvement rather than an unattainable ideal of perfection can alleviate pressure and encourage a more loving, patient, and supportive relationship. It’s about appreciating the journey of growing together, valuing each step forward, no matter how small.
Are you ready to embark on this journey with your partner?
Let’s approach our marriages with the zeal and innovation of a startup, constantly exploring new avenues for connection, embracing every challenge as an opportunity for growth, and celebrating our successes, big and small. Join me in this exciting venture towards a more profound, vibrant partnership.
References:
- Aron, A., Norman, C. C., Aron, E. N., McKenna, C., & Heyman, R. E. (2000). Couples’ shared participation in novel and arousing activities and experienced relationship quality. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78(2), 273-284.
- Dweck, C. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. New York: Random House.
- Duckworth, A. (2016). Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance. New York: Scribner.
- Govindarajan, V., & Trimble, C. (2010). The Other Side of Innovation: Solving the Execution Challenge. Harvard Business Review Press.
- Peters, T. (1982). In Search of Excellence. New York: Harper & Row.
- Ries, E. (2011). The Lean Startup: How Today’s Entrepreneurs Use Continuous Innovation to Create Radically Successful Businesses. New York: Crown Business.
Activity Quiz: Is Your Marriage in Startup Mode?
B) Occasionally, when we find the time.
C) Rarely, we stick to what we know.
D) Never, we haven’t explored this much.
B) We try to address them but sometimes get stuck.
C) We find it difficult to see beyond the immediate problem.
D) We avoid discussing them.
B) We acknowledge them, but don’t make a big deal.
C) We rarely celebrate our successes.
D) We don’t track or celebrate milestones.
B) Somewhat open, though it can be challenging.
C) Not very open; it often leads to conflict.
D) Closed; we rarely share feedback.
B) We strive for progress but often get hung up on perfection.
C) We’re not sure how to measure progress.
D) We don’t actively work on making progress.
Activity Quiz: Is Your Marriage in Startup Mode?
- A) Regularly, we love discovering new things. This response indicates a proactive approach to keeping the relationship dynamic and engaging, similar to a startup constantly exploring new avenues for growth.
- A) We view them as opportunities to learn and grow. Choosing this response shows a growth mindset, essential for navigating the ups and downs of marriage with resilience and adaptability.
- A) We make a point of celebrating together, big or small. Celebrating milestones, akin to a startup cherishing every win, fosters a sense of shared accomplishment and deepens the connection.
- A) Very open; it’s how we improve our relationship. Openness to feedback is crucial for continuous improvement and addressing issues constructively, reflecting the iterative process of a startup.
- A) We focus on moving forward, even through imperfections. This outlook mirrors the lean startup methodology of prioritizing progress over perfection, emphasizing continuous growth and adaptation in the relationship.
Encouraging Constructive Growth: Couples who identify with these responses are likely fostering a vibrant, evolving partnership, marked by shared adventures, resilience, and mutual support. If your answers vary, consider this an opportunity to reflect on how you can integrate these startup-inspired principles to invigorate your marriage further.